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oh gosh. i really do.

after living in the eye of the storm, and after the storm finally happened, a certain kind of calm rests over my life now. after finally purging everything out in the previous post, it's as if the toxic is finally out of my body, or that some kind of equilibrium has been reached within and without. and i feel so much better. perhaps it's because i'm so done with crying and moping. but then again, no sensible self-pitying human being would ever be done with crying and moping. maybe just telling about it makes it all better. as if you've finally come to terms with it. this is probably how social networking and all the endless facebook and twitter feeds and what-have-yous work. feeding on the human need for attention, for release, for some form of letting go.

and perhaps, in this process of grieving, i've found the answer to the question i never could answer. not only to you, but to myself. you will never find out the answer, but this will stay with me forever.

this is one hell of a hectic week and i don't foresee it subsiding next week either.

i want to curl up in a ball, cry, fall asleep, and wake up the next day with no more tears to shed and a heart made of steel.